I love my kids, I just hate parenting
I’m not so sure Pee-wee Herman is a great role model for my kids. (Let’s not get into Paul Reubens.) He’s dresses like an idiot, he sounds like an idiot, and he acts like an idiot.
Wait. Now I understand why my five-year-old likes him so much. They’re both idiots!
The least I can do is have some fun with it. Thanks to Netflix, I did!
Recently, Detective Munch got in trouble at school.
He gets in trouble at school every once in a while, but it’s mostly with both the same frequency of trouble and of the same variety of “trouble” that most five-year-olds get into. He doesn’t pay attention to the teachers, he goofs around with his friends and acts silly, he put his fingers in someone else’s mouth. You know, typical behavior.
But last week he did something a little bit more serious, and in an attempt to let him know that such behavior is unacceptable, Mom and Buried and I were forced to lay down the law. Of course, there are only so many ways to discipline a five-year-old, and a lot of the time you end up wondering who’s being punished.
Discipline is a double-edged sword.
We’re going on a family vacation in two weeks!
That’s right, at the end of April, we will be visiting a tropical island to soak up the sun and relax for a few days. But don’t be too jealous, it’s called a “family vacation” because for some reason we’re bringing both kids.
I might get accidentally lost in the airport and send Mom and Buried alone.
I have two kids now. I’ve never been more of an expert on what it takes to be exhausted and annoyed 24/7.
Which makes today the perfect time for another round of my unprofessional, ill-considered, potentially criminal parenting advice! (Check out all of the previous installments.)
And I actually got a handful of solid questions! Too solid, really. It was a struggle to make fun of them! It’s almost like you people are starting to take me seriously. STOP IT.
Read more about Take This Under Advisement, Jerkweed! – Volume 13 …
Yesterday was #WomanCrushWednesday, the one day a week when Instagram users are allowed to share a photo of a woman they want to have sex with. (I don’t actually know the official premise of the stupid theme.) I shared a photo of Mom and Buried, been there, done that! YEAH BOYEEEEEEEEE!
I chose a picture in which she looks really pretty, she’s clearly very happy, and is doing something mom-related because I’m nothing if not consistently ON BRAND. I also chose a picture in which her face is partially obscured, because a little anonymity is good and also it’s hilarious to constantly obscure her face. (Did you see the birthday pic I posted?)
She may not think it’s hilarious, but she knows who she married. She’s used to putting up with me.