The Longest Day

The Longest Day

This week, I’ve been “working from home” while managing my baby and entertaining my five-year-old. Needless to say, it hasn’t been the most fun week I’ve ever had.

Shockingly, the baby is a piece of cake compared to the five-year-old.

Somehow, Detective Munch has found a way to turn a twelve-hour day into one that feels like it’s 312 hours. It’s the longest day of all time. With that many hours to fill, it’s no wonder he’s so bored.

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Let Freedom Sting

Let Freedom Sting

If you’ve been following me on social media, you probably know that I’ve been on my own the past few days.

We were at my parents for the holiday weekend, and while I came back to NYC on Tuesday to go to work, Mom and Buried and the kids stuck around. The kids got to hang with Grandma (consequences be damned) and Mom and Buried was able to get some work done without paying for a babysitter. Or camp.

Meanwhile, I was living the high life, bachelor style! FREEDOM!

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How to Keep Friends After Having Kids

How to Keep Friends After Having Kids

I recently saw an article entitled “How to Keep Friends After Having Kids” and my first thought was something like, “That’s easy! Just don’t be a jerk.”

I didn’t bother to read past the headline, but I’m pretty sure it didn’t include that obvious suggestion. It probably had some serious advice to offer. Although if you’re not sure how to hang onto friends after you have kids, I don’t know if anything can help you, let alone a post I saw in my Facebook feed.

Except maybe this one!

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I Don’t Want Any Father’s Day Gifts

I Don’t Want Any Father’s Day Gifts

Father’s Day is coming up (as if you didn’t know, you sly minx!) and Mom and Buried keeps asking me what I want. I keep telling her that I don’t want any Father’s Day gifts.

Which is true, I don’t want anything. Why not? Well, it’s certainly not because “I have two beautiful kids and an amazing wife and that’s everything I need” because give me a break!

Here are some reasons I don’t want any Father’s Day gifts.

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Terrible Thoughts Only Parents Have

Terrible Thoughts Only Parents Have

Parents aren’t special. Having children doesn’t make you a hero. To paraphrase Furious Styles, any fool can make a baby, it takes a real parent to raise kids.

It also takes a real parent to think horrifying thoughts about their kids. And if that’s the primary criterion by which parenting is measured, I’m pretty sure I’m the world’s greatest dad. Because I’m a horrible person!

For proof, witness this list of terrible thoughts only parents have, and that it’s possible only this parent has, because I’m deranged. But that’s why you love me!

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