The “dad bod” trend has been a boon to dads – and non-dads – everywhere. I was at the beach last week, and everywhere I looked, it was dad bod city.
Who can blame us? Men suddenly have validation for our laziness, and apparently there’s an entire subset of women who find our beer bellies attractive!
I admit that I have a dad bod of my own, but not on purpose. I go to the gym several times a week, and I try to eat healthy, give or take 100 beers a week. I don’t want a dad bod. I hate even saying dad bod. And I especially hate the people I blame for giving me one.
When it comes to getting your kids to do something they don’t want to do, there are basically three tactics you can employ: bribery, threats, and just giving up and doing it for them.
Doing it for them is obviously not the way to go. Detective Munch is lazy enough as it is; if I were to start waiting on him hand and foot (or waiting on him even more, which I guess would make it waiting on him hands and feet? COMEDY GOLD!), he’d probably end up with bed sores.
As most parents already know, bribery is a double-edged sword. It works, but you’re gonna pay for it down the line when the kid refuses to get out of bed without the promise of a new toy or some TV time, and eventually you’re buying him a new car just to get him to go to college.
Which leaves us with threats.
If you’ve spent anytime on my blog, you probably know I’m no stranger to a good list.
I have written a lot of them, and almost all of them are collections of hilarious AND TRUE ways that children or parenting (or writing lists!) is/are like other things, like prison or homeless people (or writing lists!).
Comparing children to non-children things is a popular pastime, and an easy way to both let off steam and give non-parents an idea of what the child-rearing experience is like. Most of the time the comparisons are extreme, because everyone knows exaggeration is the absolute funniest thing in the history of the universe. But they all have a kernel of truth.
So which are the funniest and most fair comparisons? I’m glad you asked.
When you’re a parent, you take on a lot of roles.
You’re still the person you were before you were a parent (to varying degrees), but now you’re also the person your kid knows as Mommy or Daddy. And then you’re the million different things your kid needs you to be over the course of the day.
If this were a resume it would 30 pages long.
On Tuesday, the Huffington Post shared an article called “9 Things Kids Can Play With In-flight That Don’t Involve Technology” and I’m still laughing at this list.
I’ve read a lot of stupid things in my life, many of them on this very blog. But I’m not sure I’ve read anything as quite this delusional lately. (And I once compared my son to a bird!)
I may not truck with parents apologizing for flying with kids, but I would never willfully abuse my fellow passengers. Which is essentially what these suggestions boil down to.