How to Distract Kids From “President Donald Trump”

How to Distract Kids From “President Donald Trump”

There are a lot of posts going around from shell-shocked, well-meaning parents, discussing ways to talk to our kids about the fact that Donald Trump was elected President. (This is a good one.) There’s much to unpack: how he won, why he won, what this means for the future of our country, what it means about the present of our country, etc.

I have no answers to any of that (except the last one: there are a lot of ignorant and/or racist and/or misogynistic and/or short-sighted people in America). My oldest is only six years old, and while Detective Munch may not know much about politics or elections, he knows a bully when he sees one. He knows Trump is a mean, angry name-caller, even without the “benefit” of understanding the constant bigotry, misogyny, and xenophobia that comes out his mouth.

What he doesn’t know is why the country would elect someone like Donald Trump to lead it. And neither do I. So I’m not going to bother trying.

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Scarier Than Halloween

Scarier Than Halloween

Halloween stops being scary once you hit a certain age. Unless you’re a woman, then it never stops being scary. For multiple reasons.

As a parent, there are countless things to be afraid of. But monsters and zombies and expensive vinyl outfits that rip as you take them out of their packaging are pretty far down the list. (They didn’t even make my list.)

I made a new list of things that I, as the parent of a six-year-old and a baby, find much scarier than Halloween.
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It Takes a Village Idiot

It Takes a Village Idiot

Parenting is not always easy.

It takes a village to raise a child, they say, and while lately it seems that the villagers are more likely to come at you with pitchforks than to help you raise a barn, there are still benefits to being part of a broader community.

The internet makes it possible to judge with impunity, but it also allows us to witness and praise – or repudiate – countless different parenting techniques (and potentially adopt them as our own). Even better, from time to time, it provides both anonymous solidarity and gleeful Schadenfreude.

Especially if you follow me.

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How To Explain Trump To Kids

How To Explain Trump To Kids

My six-year-old won’t be watching the first presidential debate tonight because a) he’s six and b) he doesn’t need to hear the terrible things people will say during the debate, and by “people” I mean me and by “terrible things” I mean the filthy words I will be yelling at the screen every time Trump speaks.

In a perfect world, Donald Trump will get crushed in November and retreat back to one of his gross hotels, never to be seen again except all the time everywhere because he is a craven opportunist with absolutely no shame and the media worships him. But that’s fine, he can have his TV appearances, so long as I never have to explain to my kids why a misogynistic bigot is President of the United States.

But it’s possible, and in order to be prepared for that possibility, I’ve begun trying to think of ways to explain President Trump in terms my six-year-old can understand.

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My Nine Best Parenting Fails

My Nine Best Parenting Fails

I’m not that great of a parent. Not when you consider my parenting fails.

I’m probably an okay dad, in the whole “good time guy” way some dads are. I get along with my kids, we like to horse around and goof around and get around ooh ooh I get around! (God I’m old.) But I yell too much, and I say “no” too much, and I say “don’t do that” too much, and my five-year-old definitely prefers his mom. After all, I’m the bad cop.

But sometimes my bad parenting actually works out. Some of my parenting fails are actually kind of wins!

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