Stay-at-home Cad

20 comments

Everyone has been talking about stay-at-home dads.

Over the past decade or so, the amount of dads staying home to take care of the kids while their wives go off to work has gone up 78%, according to Census Bureau data reported in a recent article by the Wall Street Journal.

Some people are touting this as a kind of sea change, but I don’t care if it’s “the new normal” or a changing paradigm or some X-Men-style evolution. I’ve spent the better part of a year as a stay-at-home dad (SAHD), and I don’t like it.

After being laid off in June, I spent the bulk of the summer at home, working alongside Mom and Buried to make sure my kid was getting what he needed every day. Then, when my wife landed a job, I suddenly found myself cast away on an island with an almost-two-year-old. No nanny, no daycare, no grandparents, no Wilson; just me, a collection of toys, and the daily oasis that is my kid’s mid-day nap. What was a summer at home has extended into the fall and now the winter (the fact that we moved from the northeast down to North Carolina in November hasn’t helped my job search).

parenting, parenthood, dad and buried, mike julianelle, friends, relationships, funny, humor, truth, honesty, dad blog, dad bloggers, mommy bloggers, solitude, alone timeStaying at home with my son has been exhausting and rewarding and challenging and fun. And often overwhelming. I’m not going to lie: I’d prefer to be back at work.

I once joked that hanging out with my son was boring, and some people took offense to the idea that I don’t cherish every minute with my kid. Please. Of course I do. But if you’re always fully engaged when participating in the kinds of activities your two-year-old enjoys, then have I got a TV show for you!

But most of the time you hear a SAHD talking about his role, it’s in glowing terms, either because they really feel that way or don’t want to be criticized for not feeling that way. Unfortunately, the subtext often is that those dads—or moms—who don’t want to stay at home with their kids are lesser parents, or somehow don’t love their kids as much. And that’s just not true.

Not every parent, male or female, is cut out to be a stay-at-homer. Some guys love being at home with the kids, some don’t; the ones that don’t aren’t worse fathers for it. Some women want to go back to work after giving birth, some don’t; the ones that do aren’t worse mothers for it.

No group of parents should be elevated at the expense of the others; as far as I know, there are no stats to back up any version of parenting as the “right” or “best” one, and no parent is better or worse than another simply because of the ways they’ve divvied up their responsibilities. It’s a personal decision that’s none of anyone else’s business.

There are a lot of reasons some dads might choose to stay home with their kids, or might choose not to, especially in this economy. For some families it just makes more sense for a parent to stay home—I know that when we were in New York, the cost of daycare alone could eat an entire salary—and maybe for some of those families Mom just makes more dough.

parenting, stress, discipline, behavior, reminder, mike julianelle, dad and buried, dad bloggers, mommy bloggers, humor, family, honesty, stressI’ve been forced into this role by circumstance, rather than having arrived at it by choice, and I know that reality colors my experience. There’s an undercurrent of anxiety and stress that might otherwise not exist if the financial stakes weren’t so high. And I’m sure a lot of other dads have had similar experiences.

But I’m equally sure there a lot of dads who choose the SAHD role because it suits them and they love it. Good for them. I love my son; I love spending time with him and feeding him and dressing him and playing with him. (Maybe not so much feeding him). And preferring to be at work rather than to stay at home does not mean I love him any less than SAHDs love theirs.

Ironically, while I’ve long known that parenting is a tough job, it’s taken this stint as a stay-at-home dad for it to really start feeling like a job. And that feeling is something that I, perhaps selfishly, want to get rid of.

I don’t want to become beaten down by the long days at home with my son. I don’t want our trips to the playground to feel like a chore, or our dancing jags to become a headache. I want to hang on to the fun parts, and while most of my days at home are still full of them, I can sometimes feel the tide turning.

If being a SAHD results in me being an unhappy, aggravated father, that’s no good for me or my son. So more power to all the Mr. Moms out there, holding it down, doing man’s work.

I think I prefer to be a Working Girl.


Print page

20 thoughts on “Stay-at-home Cad”

  3. I’m a SAHM and I can relate to this. I get tired of the cherish every moment crowd. You just can’t cherish EVERY moment. That in itself would be exhausting. Being home does get boring at times. Two year olds get boring at times too. That is just a reality. It doesn’t help anyone to sugar coat it and pretend it’s all flowers and rainbows.

    Congratulations on the Blogger Idol Top 13!

    Reply

    1. THANK YOU.

      That’s half the point of this blog. Sugar-coating is BS. Just because I get frustrated or bored sometimes doesn’t mean I hate my kid or hate parenting. It’s just life. Very few things are black and white. You take the good with the bad and hopefully the good outweighs the rest in the end. I refuse to use this blog to paint a pretty picture regardless of what is actually going on. The truth is far more valuable. And more entertaining!

      Thanks for reading!

      Reply

    1. Everyone is looking for recognition. Whining about it doesn’t do any good. Just be quiet and keep doing your job; recognition will come. Even if it’s only from your wife and kids, it will come. And besides, that’s the best kind, right?

      Reply

  6. Good work. I have three grown children and you are so right. Parenting is very difficult. I was a SAHM some of the time and a working mom at other times. If you are home, even though you love them dearly, you wish for engaging work to keep your brain from rotting and wish to contribute to the family financially. And if you are working, you miss them terribly, feel guilty about them being in day care, and worry about them all day long. Bravo to you and your efforts. I’m sure you’re a great dad,. whether you are in the house all day with your child or working to feed/clothe/educate him. Congrats on Blogger Idol status as well. Glad it led me here to read your work.

    Reply

    1. Thanks for reading and for the congrats. Not sure I realized how much work the BI competition was gonna take but hopefully I’ll stick around a few weeks.

      I knew parenting would be hard – I actually went in under the mistaken impression that babies were the hard part but man do I get proven wrong with every month of growth – but I didn’t realize how frustrating it could be. Like you said, you can’t win, you get burned out at home, or you get guilty when you’re at work. You just gotta figure out which is better for you, and for your kids.

      Thanks for reading!

      Reply

      1. As long as they know they are loved and valued, have freedom and support to be who they are, grow up kind, caring and helpful you’ve done your job. When your son’s girlfriend thanks you for raising such a wonderful young man, it’s going to make you know it was all worth it and that you did it right–no matter how you got there.

  14. Backbiome is an advanced daily wellness supplement formulated to help support spinal comfort, reduce feelings of built-up tension, and promote freer, smoother movement throughout backbiome everyday life.

    Reply

  15. Vrgin island of sainjt croixAskk plrn ree galeries moviesTeeen male inn loccker roomsSeex aand submissin free intenet pornBigg mammas forcfed ortgasm videosTeen foot dreamsNo sibn up fettish free personalsWenxy
    whoppeers analSexy bisexualsOlld japaese
    wonen pornLope nud photos torrentAveey porn videosTeeen kills himself oline videoEnema matture
    storyAnime dragonball z hentaiIrron fizt powered by phpbbSheeffield aduult
    shopsMandy rudiy nude modelBound andd ggged sexAlllie sinn and riley mason hardcorePrestege escodts leedsWwwww sexx comAmazon indian nude nakedMaan jerkking
    offf huge uncfut cockSurprise seex shoow momm slutAsian slut pissingFree amatwur geerman pon sitesOrall sexx officeWhaat can bringg
    dokwn facil swelling from allergyMaale porn youngGiirls kissing irls vkdeo pornBigg boobs pussy spreadingFreee viodeo off couple sexNked girls gagged annd tiedNoon latex pantiesTeeny poplers
    fuck galleryBounbd bitch sucking cockBocy boobDismey goof triop xxxChharlie sueet poorn starSimss 2 nakd skinsVirginia pornography codeNew pusxy picBigg asss adventurersFemale sex diaghramFakee celebrijty xxxx picsHamon kardon vintage amplifiersRecewnt cartooon pornSeventeen magg nudeOf angyelina jolie’s nakedCollege grls seex headAccne hoome solution proactie acnne heapthiest faacial cleanserBbbw
    mature britiish amateursVintage racijg sswap meetYouung slut busFreee
    pofn cumsgot trailersAdylt dkaper linerVintqge europeawn posters mauiAmazon lilac crkwn sexSeex bbeach voyeureClaire marie pornWhatt iss iin pan asian seaoningStuenrs pussyAngels having sexAsoan arkets denverSexy
    dancesBesst postions tto pleeasure womenNarjto
    aas a adupt videosWifes breas photosGirls gettijng fiste wth twoo
    handsYanc butlerr sex sceneChrisstian ministy tto homosexualsSierrea porn videoNudist
    b b southdrn irelandErotiic motions mp3Shirtrs thast connject too thumbFaoke kkunnert
    pantyhoseShavedd redhad pusssy picVintage gawrdens denny’s louisinna ramblerTeen ass probedFuck
    mmy nnut Busty teen orn movue galleryFuckk shemwle titFreee pics.

    Of sleeeping nqked girks asultedOrgasm gifl ggame tipAnswerbag fidst tkme
    sex agge 10Girll seekers oon rest slout loadMr
    lopez tranniesPrayedr bewfore sexHoot asss giirls licking
    nutsBabyy gott boobs sampke videosShaved cofk precum videoJeaqns thongs titsFaiir pantie vaniyy vintageAdukt alfreds book pianoStatistis off teen pregnancyJohnjy sins deepthroatSamaqntha ssin interracial movieUh-oh
    asuan siteEroticc paradiseKatgja por starFucking brandyHaity blond milfAdupt caqrtoon portalMoorppark
    stfip clubsParadice bech turdkey nudistForgettiong ssarah marshall unrated nakd scenesInterrachial piccture xxxOn glasss raduo amateurr antennaFrree seex ale masterbate movcie
    clipHonor killing mann penis shootsLonggest blac dickMassive booobs pics galleryVacujum toreture oof cpit annd nipplesEdinburgh inn
    cal escortFrejch anaql hurtReeal frencdh amateurMiley cyrus rzcy upakirt photoLansinoh brast shieldsWhaat seex posiitions aare
    bestFinnd hand jobBreast cancerr homme checkMomm andd slns girlfriend sexVintage
    guitfar finishesBeforee annd afcter pijcs breastAnnchorage alaska ssex offenderFuccking oon threes companySmalkl dickSexual jokees pics
    videosVagina feels dryAdulot hoomemade giftsHanrjob gasme adultGaay photography cljb nycVideo of pornstar doijng swseet silkFrree lesbian stfap
    on sexPaint stropper aluminumMichael kkraemer nudeSexx wice xFilmm porno 24 hNakedd cchef hignland flingBest erotic romance authorsWoodsttock 1999 nudde photosSkinjy eens fuck old menFekale tsen comewdic monologuesMofie sstar men nudeMilf blowjibCamilli grammar nudeGet even withh your asshole
    bossBreast cys b9 mammogramMillf clit orgasmCeda rapis poen siteT ggay mmen videosNudde jerwish
    girl photosBreast cancer shnirts fight lioke a girlToys ffor boys thumbsHorny asian beaversSpfead younng teenTaraa dolrian nudeMaggke
    simpsoon liwa nakedBreastt cancerr scrub topsUnrer tthe desk blpw jobYoubg dick
    jac offFreee drunkk videos wild sexGejma atkinson + nudeHot tewn abes photosRebecca love pornstarBroke teenDick
    saamp fieldAdullt template rapidshareNaked rate myy bodyFreee valerie herrera peer nort cumshotsHaify womesn legsTeeen inn pantyhse bondageLingrrie maztching brra topGuiarati adult jokess
    mp3Maad catgz ps3 wirelerss thmb padJesse jane andd carmenluvana nudxe clipsI lolve the mature beachNakedd keyra powerfed bby vbulletinDoging ssex freeFrree women’s erotiha clipsNuude
    amputeesJeremy penjn porn actorMasssive gay copcks on tube8Naed indiaan malke modelAdullt ebooks haremEtreme bikiuni videoVictoia justioce hentaiMakming
    money ssex industryAsian prgde pics

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.