When you’re a parent, you take on a lot of roles.

You’re still the person you were before you were a parent (to varying degrees), but now you’re also the person your kid knows as Mommy or Daddy. And then you’re the million different things your kid needs you to be over the course of the day.

If this were a resume it would 30 pages long.

Parenting is not a tough job. It’s a tough 300 jobs. Here is but a small sampling of some of the responsibilities parents take on.

Parenting Job Titles

• Maid – They need to throw their food on the floor. Constantly.
• Launderer – They need to drop their food all over themselves. Constantly.
• Chauffeur – It will be so awesome when he can drive himself. Aside from the crippling anxiety, of course.
• Cook – They need to eat. Constantly.
• Babysitter – HOW DARE YOU.
• Chair – Fine, just don’t pee on me.
• Ladder – WHY ARE YOU CLIMBING ME?
• Nurse – I’ll make it all better!
• Best Friend – For a little while, at least.
• Persona Non Grata – Why do you want Mommy? I CAN KISS A BOO-BOO TOO!
• Tree – WHY ARE YOU CLIMBING ME?
• Superman – With pleasure!
• Superman’s assistant – Whatever you say, Superman, sir.
• Lex Luthor – No, I’m not shaving my head. I’m afraid it won’t come back.
• Boogey Man – ROWR!
• Security Blanket – I’m sorry, I was just pretending!
• Teacher – What number comes after thirty?
• Bad Teacher – POOP IS NOT A NUMBER. Time-out!
• Handy Man – Sorry, bud. It’s broken.
• Horse
• Dog
• Bear
• “Manimal” – What animal do you want me to be next?
• Psychiatrist – Let’s talk about why you want your dad to pretend to be an animal. And tell me more about what you hate about pants…
• Sandman – GO THE F*CK TO SLEEP!
• Interpreter
• Personal Trainer – Daddy needs a breather.
• Wrestler – Just watch the crotch, please.
• Stylist – How about the Darth Vader PJs? Okay, how about the Batman PJs? Okay, how about the space PJs? Okay, how about…
• Entertainment Director – What do you want to watch? No. We’re not watching Penguins again! How about Toy Story? Finding Nemo? Toy Story 2? FINE. Penguins it is.
• Santa Claus/Tooth Fairy/Easter Bunny – Here are your gifts. And some money. And some chocolate. SHH! Now give me your teeth.
• Personal Assistant – Here’s your agenda for today. And here’s your bag. And there are your shoes. Let me wipe your butt for you.
• Pirate/Cowboy/Fireman/Dragon/etc. – It doesn’t matter why.