Things Kids Love That Parents Hate

If you’re in the northeast, odds are you had a snow day yesterday. Congratulations, I’m sorry.

I live in Brooklyn, and thanks to Stella, my son had the day off from school, and thanks to the subways being shut down, I was stuck at home with the rest of the snowed-in Buried clan. The kids were excited (let’s just give The Hammer the benefit of the doubt), but the parents? Not so much.

Snow days are one of many things that are great when you’re a kid, but not so great as an adult.

One of the idealized stereotypes of having kids is how it changes your perspective on life. Years of cynicism, or simply tedium, can reduce many of the simple joys of living to rote experiences one trudges through. Then you have kids and suddenly you can see things through their innocent eyes, and it’s like having a new lease on life!

Except when it isn’t.

Because not everything benefits from such a change in perspective. Some things are only fun for children.

Things Kids Love That Parents Hate

  • Snow Days: Kids gets a day off from school and a winter wonderland to frolic in! Parents get extra work: more laundry, more cleaning, more time managing and entertaining the kids, more back pain from digging out the car and the sidewalk and the driveway, more headaches from managing and entertaining the kids. Snow days was the best days, now I’d rather have rain and some rest, please.
  • Playgrounds: My son loves going to the playground. He runs around and climbs up and down and slides down slides and monkeys on monkey bars and he never wants to leave. I sit there on a bench and check my phone, hoping that the occasional shriek isn’t emanating from my wounded son, praying that when it’s time to leave I don’t have to drag his writhing body away. And that he doesn’t spot the opportunistic a-hole hawking Italian Ice by the entrance.
  • Birthday Parties: As a kid, you simply attend, hang out with your friends, and get cake and presents. As a parent, you have to plan, organize, pay, set-up, clean-up, pack up, one-up, and on and on and on. Like much of adulthood, the fun gets throttled by the attendant responsibility. Also, when you’re a kid, you can’t wait to get older. When you’re an adult, you’re just slowly dying. Happy birthday!
  • The Dentist: I’m not sure this applies to children as a whole, but Detective Munch loves the dentist. It’s inexplicable. I suspect it’s simply because he gets a goodie bag at the end, as if tiny tubes of toothpaste and some brightly colored floss are some kind of windfall. Whatever. Adults hate the dentist because at best you get scolded for not flossing and at worst it’s agonizing pain. Which sounds a lot like adulthood in general!
  • Amusement Parks: Infinite rides, plentiful snacks, priceless souvenirs, tons ‘o fun! Unless you’re a parent, then it’s endless lines, overpriced food, useless souvenirs, and sore feet. But hopefully no one pukes!
  • Dessert: Don’t get me wrong, parents like dessert too. But for kids it’s nirvana, it’s the holy grail, it’s the ultimate! The promise of candy or chocolate or ice cream as a post-dinner reward is surpassed only by the hope that they’ll be allowed to stay up later than usual. For parents, dessert is a luxury, one that often gets skipped because of the consequences to one’s waistline, or else gets replaced by alcohol because at least those consequences include a buzz. But hopefully no one pukes!
  • Doing Things: Oh my god do kids love doing things. It doesn’t even matter what, they just want to do stuff and go places. My son is so obsessed with doing things that if I don’t let him hit the buttons on the remote control, or start the video on the iPhone, or open the bag of chips, he’ll throw a fit. Meanwhile I’m over here wishing I had the money to pay someone else to bathe me. I’m tired.

I know I’ve missed a bunch (like I said, I’m tired!). Head over to my Facebook page and tell me what my list is missing!

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