I love my kids, I just hate parenting
Every time my wife and I show each other any kind of affection, Detective Munch comes bombing over to get in on the action.
He’s like Pepé Le Pew, if Pepé Le Pew were into incestuous threesomes. (Which: probably?)
He’s always butting in! I literally don’t remember what it’s like to have time alone.
A good friend of mine just had his first baby.
Yesterday, in honor of the happy occasion, I pumped the brakes on my signature snark and shared a rare cheesy post, about some of the the unexpected pleasures of fatherhood. Then I went home, told my son to stop doing something, and had this exchange:
“Why?”
“Because I said so!”
“That’s not a reason.”
Needless to say, today I’m back to my old self.
Let’s face it, when it comes to parenting, moms already get all the praise. (Not that I’m complaining.)
Sure, that “praise” often calcifies into “being taken for granted,” which is just about complaint #1 from women everywhere (along with “I want more romance/passion!” and “socks go IN the hamper, not NEAR the hamper!”) but if you think about it, it’s a positive thing! Abilities and skills are only taken for granted once someone comes to rely on them. Kudos, moms everywhere! You’ve raised the bar for yourselves.
Unfortunately, that bar is often just a little too high for your liking. So I’m going to level the playing field with some mom fails!
There are thousands of hilarious parents on Twitter. Of all stripes.
Many of them are featured in the Big Book of Parenting Tweets, and I am flattered to have been selected alongside so many funny moms and dads (I’m in the brand-new sequel too!). There are stay-at-home dads, working moms, gay dads, single moms, goofy dads, nerd moms, asshole dads (that’s me!), etc.
Aside from being parents, about the only thing we all have in common is our constant drinking. Which, of course, is one of the key steps towards being a funny parent on Twitter.
Earlier this week, I poked fun at the recent trend of celebrities bravely “normalizing” breastfeeding by doing it in public. The idea is that movie stars and models and whatever the hell Kardashians are can help remove the stigma around public breastfeeding.
Despite the fact that breastfeeding is as normal as it gets, this movement to remove the shame many women feel in regards to feeding their children is actually necessary. There are whole bunches of people who can’t stomach the sight of a woman breastfeeding in public!
On my Facebook page, I wondered – rhetorically – just who these garbage people are, going around making women feel shame over feeding their kids? Because I guarantee you, most of them have behaved far worse. We all have.