The Neverending Story

The Neverending Story

“Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!”

That famous quote is from The Godfather: Part III, and is a reference Michael Corleone finding it impossible to escape the mob life and go legit, but it also easily applies to my life as a parent (except for the number three part, because there ain’t no way I’m having a third!).

When you have kids, you’re always grasping for the light at the end of the tunnel, even while the tunnel keeps stretching further and further into the distance.

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Bad Behavior May Pay Off!

Bad Behavior May Pay Off!

One of the great lies that many parents tell themselves is that their kid is perfect.

You know how it is — they’re your little angel and can do no wrong. They’re the cutest baby in the world, and you’re pretty certain they started walking and talking before everyone else’s baby because they’re so smart. Bow down before the greatest child who has ever lived!

This delusion gets harder to maintain as your child gets older and the things they can — and do — do wrong start piling up. Luckily, there’s a chance their insufferable behavior will set them up for success!

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How To Use Your Kids To Win Valentine’s Day

How To Use Your Kids To Win Valentine’s Day

The other day, my wife told Detective Munch that he was her favorite person on earth. I was sitting RIGHT THERE.

I get it; it comes with the parenting territory. He’s my favorite person too, give or take his baby brother. But it can be a little frustrating when your spouse prefers to spend more time with your kids than with you, but that’s not all bad either. In fact, I realized shortly after Mom and Buried so brazenly announced her preference in my presence that my son is actually doing me a favor.

Thanks to him, I‘m feeling a lot less pressure! Especially when it comes to holidays like Valentine’s Day. Kids can sometimes put a damper on romance, but I’ve discovered how to use them to my advantage!

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The Bedtime Battle

The Bedtime Battle

No kid likes going to bed.

My 6-year-old could be in the middle of getting waterboarded and he’d rather stick that out than have to brush his teeth and go to his room. As such, he’s become a master at putting it off, and at turning every bedtime into a battle.

Every night, when bedtime approaches, he suddenly becomes possessed with the need to do things. Anything. EVERYTHING.

Unfortunately, this includes making Daddy angry.

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Come On, Admit Your Kid Sucks

Come On, Admit Your Kid Sucks

I’m not one to mince words or make excuses. I never have been, and that didn’t change when I became a parent.

This is why I often find it irritating to hear all the ways other parents try to avoid blaming their kids for bad behavior. This is aside from the fact that most other parents, and other parents’ children, are irritating to begin with! (No offense. I barely like myself as a parent. Parenting’s not really a good look on anyone.)

Just go ahead and admit your kid sucks sometimes.

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