The Best Things About Flying with Children 

The Buried clan spent the last week in Turks and Caicos! (Visit my Instagram page to hear me rub it in your face.)

We had a great trip, made lots of memories, spent way too much money, and got home in one piece. Despite the two flights that book-ended the excursion.

All things considered, the two four-hour flights went pretty well. The Hammer slept (mostly) the whole time, Detective Munch behaved (mostly) the whole time. I didn’t give out any goody bags in a passive-aggressive attempt to stand up for all parents who get hassled on planes. And I didn’t deprive my five-year-old of technology in an attempt to see how long I could go without getting punched.

I did change a blowout at 35,000 feet, which I’m pretty disgusted by/proud of. And that wasn’t even one of the ten best things about flying with children!

The Ten Best Things About Flying with Children

  1. You Get an Upper Body Workout – Carrying all the electronics and snacks and books and stroller and car seat and the children themselves into and around the airport.
  2. You Get to Board First – If your kids are young enough.
  3. The Flight Flies By – You’re so busy making sure your kids aren’t pissing off all the other passengers you barely even realize you’ve already landed. Or else a short flight feels interminable because your kids are a nightmare and see #8 below.
  4. You’ll Feel Like a Kid Again – Not only because you get to experience the improbably majesty of air travel through the eyes of your amazed children, but also because you will be crying more than usual!
  5. You Don’t Notice Your Ears Popping – Because you’re too busy yelling/crying/drinking.
  6. You Get to Catch Up on TV and Movies – Provided you’re behind on “RescueBots” and “Pee-wee’s Playhouse” which you probably are because WHY WOULD YOU EVER WATCH THAT GARBAGE UNLESS YOU ARE ON A PLANE?
  7. You Get to Eat Extra Airplane Snacks – Provided you like the nuts your kid can’t eat and the Snickerdoodle cookie he wouldn’t eat (because it neither tastes like Snickerdoodle nor a cookie) which you probably do because YOU’RE ALWAYS STARVING ON A PLANE AND YOU WOULD EAT STYROFOAM IF ONLY AIRLINES DIDN’T CHARGE SO MUCH FOR IT, ALSO STYROFOAM MAKES A LOUD SQUEAKY NOISE WHEN YOU CHEW IT AND THAT’S GOOD BECAUSE THAT WAY YOU WON’T HEAR YOUR KIDS SCREAMING GOD I SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT SOME STYROFOAM EXCEPT SECURITY WOULD HAVE MADE ME THROW IT OUT BECAUSE STYROFOAM CAN PROBABLY SOMEHOW BE USED AS A WEAPON!
  8. No One Talks to You – Because they hate you.
  9. It Eventually Ends and You Never See Your Plane-Full of New Enemies Again! – Unless you’re going to Australia and/or you live with them.
  10. If You Think There are Actually Ten Positive Things About Flying with Kids – You’ve never flown with kids. Maybe three of the things on this list are true (#2, #5, # 8).

I said that my experience flying with children went pretty well. I never said I enjoyed it.


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One thought on “The Best Things About Flying with Children 

  1. And you did not realize it was going to be like that before you decided to fly some where just because it had a beach?

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