The Buried clan spent the last week in Turks and Caicos! (Visit my Instagram page to hear me rub it in your face.)
We had a great trip, made lots of memories, spent way too much money, and got home in one piece. Despite the two flights that book-ended the excursion.
All things considered, the two four-hour flights went pretty well. The Hammer slept (mostly) the whole time, Detective Munch behaved (mostly) the whole time. I didn’t give out any goody bags in a passive-aggressive attempt to stand up for all parents who get hassled on planes. And I didn’t deprive my five-year-old of technology in an attempt to see how long I could go without getting punched.
I did change a blowout at 35,000 feet, which I’m pretty disgusted by/proud of. And that wasn’t even one of the ten best things about flying with children!
The Ten Best Things About Flying with Children
- You Get an Upper Body Workout – Carrying all the electronics and snacks and books and stroller and car seat and the children themselves into and around the airport.
- You Get to Board First – If your kids are young enough.
- The Flight Flies By – You’re so busy making sure your kids aren’t pissing off all the other passengers you barely even realize you’ve already landed. Or else a short flight feels interminable because your kids are a nightmare and see #8 below.
- You’ll Feel Like a Kid Again – Not only because you get to experience the improbably majesty of air travel through the eyes of your amazed children, but also because you will be crying more than usual!
- You Don’t Notice Your Ears Popping – Because you’re too busy yelling/crying/drinking.
- You Get to Catch Up on TV and Movies – Provided you’re behind on “RescueBots” and “Pee-wee’s Playhouse” which you probably are because WHY WOULD YOU EVER WATCH THAT GARBAGE UNLESS YOU ARE SITTING NEXT TO A RESTLESS CHILD ON A PLANE?
- You Get to Eat Extra Airplane Snacks – Provided you like the nuts your kid can’t eat and the airline’s Snickerdoodle cookie he wouldn’t eat (because it neither tastes like Snickerdoodle nor a cookie) which you probably do because YOU’RE ALWAYS STARVING ON A PLANE AND YOU WOULD EAT STYROFOAM IF ONLY AIRLINES DIDN’T CHARGE SO MUCH FOR IT, ALSO STYROFOAM MAKES A LOUD SQUEAKY NOISE WHEN YOU CHEW IT AND THAT’S GOOD BECAUSE THAT WAY YOU WON’T HEAR YOUR KIDS SCREAMING GOD I SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT SOME STYROFOAM EXCEPT SECURITY WOULD HAVE MADE ME THROW IT OUT BECAUSE STYROFOAM CAN PROBABLY SOMEHOW BE USED AS A WEAPON!
- No One Talks to You – Because they hate you.
- It Eventually Ends and You Never See Your Plane-Full of New Enemies Again! – Unless you’re going to Australia and/or you live with them.
- If You Think There are Actually Ten Positive Things About Flying with Kids – You’ve never flown with kids. Maybe three of the things on this list are true (#2, #5, # 8).
I said that my experience flying with children went pretty well. I never said I enjoyed it.