Bet On It

Over the weekend, professional golfer Rory McIlroy won the Open Championship. In the process he netted $1.66 million.

His father, meanwhile, scored big himself, having placed a bet in 2005 that his son would win the Open Championship by 2015. Daddy McIlroy collected (approximately) $171,000 merely for having confidence in his son’s golfing ability.

Which got me thinking…

What would I bet on my own son to accomplish within the next 10 years?

Rory McIlroy, golf, sports, parenting, open championship, espn, toddlers, aspirations, parenthood, dads, moms, dad bloggers, funny, humor, family, life, lifestyle, expectationsMr. McIlroy made that bet when his son was 15; the wager wasn’t all that far-fetched. After all, Rory had already shown his talent for golfing, and he’d be in his mid-twenties by the time the deadline was to land.

Placing bets on a toddler’s future accomplishments is a much dicier proposition. Detective Munch is only three, and thus far has mostly shown a talent for talking a lot without stopping. Undeniably impressive, but I’m not sure there are too many long-term prospects in that field. At least not until Skip Bayless retires!

And yet, after observing my son for the past almost-four years, there are some things I might take a chance on.

Things I’m Almost Willing to Bet Money That My Son Will Do Sometime Within Over the Course of the Next 10 Years

  • Give me a heart attack
  • Break my iPhone or computer or TV
  • Write the next great American novel
  • Break a limb
  • Cost me over $100,000 in food and clothing
  • Say “No!” over 100,000 times
  • Get told “No!” over 100,000 times
  • Ignore me
  • Create a million-dollar iPhone app
  • Ask for a puppy
  • Swear in class
  • Be better at technology than I am
  • Like music I can’t stand
  • Ignore me
  • Require me to buy ‘Just for Men’
  • Dunk a basketball
  • Accidentally lock himself in the bathroom
  • Become obsessed with an excruciatingly annoying TV show or movie
  • Piss someone off on a flight
  • Piss me off at a restaurant
  • Learn to ride a bike
  • Fall off a bike
  • Learn to get back on a bike after falling off of it
  • Learn to surf
  • Learn to surf for porn
  • Squirm uncomfortably while I give him a bizarre, painfully naive and out-of-touch talk on the birds and the bees that may or may not reference Jamie Lee Curtis and Machine from 8MM
  • Ignore me
  • Crush Daddy’s genitals so many times he is neither able to nor interested in having more children
  • Dress like an asshole
  • Have a mishap when attempting to cut and/or style his own hair
  • Get in trouble
  • Ignore me
  • Make Mommy cry (in a bad way)
  • Make Mommy cry (in a good way)
  • Win the Open Championship
  • Witness the Dolphins win a Super Bowl
  • Make me sick
  • Get sick on me
  • Ignore me
  • Actually follow my advice and thank me for listening
  • Make me proud
  • Sing a song about poop

A few of those may be wishful thinking (Tannehill MVP!) but you gotta dream big. Anything is possible when your own self-confidence is matched by your parents’ belief in you.

After McIlroy hoisted the tournament’s Claret Jug, he told reporters, “”No, I never had doubts,” he said. “You can’t doubt your own ability.”

I feel like that’s something my son might say after cannon-balling onto my crotch for the 239th consecutive day. But I wouldn’t bet on it.

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