No LEGO to Stand On

People love them some LEGOs. I recognize this. I’m not here to bury them (those people or the LEGOs). But I’m not here to praise them either (those people or the LEGOs). I’m just ambivalent about the toy.

I didn’t really want to write about the colorful little blocks.

And then someone gave my son a bunch of them.

I like LEGOs just fine, but I’ve never loved them.

My primary memories of the tiny jagged little blocks of pain are of helping one of my older brothers build LEGO trucks and then gleefully ramming them into the wall. I played with them but I wasn’t obsessive; I preferred playing make-believe with my Star Wars figures and zooming race cars down tracks that led straight into Castle Greyskull’s front door. parenting, toys, LEGO, superheroes, toddlers, birthdays, funny, dads, moms, motherhood, fatherhood, dad bloggers, humor

I’m no architect; I’m no construction worker. I wasn’t big into building stuff as a kid and I’m not big into building stuff now. Of course, back in my day they didn’t have all the themed and branded collections. If there had been Indiana Jones LEGOs or Superman LEGOs when I was growing up, maybe I’d have had more of a connection to the product. As it stands, I recognize their coolness; I think they’re a versatile and fun toy, I’m happy to buy them for my son (if he wants them), and I don’t really care about them.

I don’t know yet how Detective Munch feels about LEGOs. But I’m about to find out.

He received a whole bunch of LEGO sets for his birthday last month, most of which are superhero-themed, as is his entire life. Unfortunately, most of which are also missing already, because HOLY SHIT WHY ARE THE PIECES SO SMALL?!

Most of tiniest pieces aren’t the blocks themselves, they’re like block “accessories”. Tiny plastic flames and tails and capes and webs and bats and hair pieces and other decorative touches that I’m pretty sure didn’t exist when I was a kid. It’s like a LEGO grenade exploded and there is LEGO shrapnel everywhere. The big cliché about LEGOs is how much they hurt when you step on them, and yes, even though my LEGO wars have only just begun, I’ve already had a “John McClane sitting on the bathroom counter with bloody feet” moment. But the bigger issue is the size of these things. They’re infinitesimal!parenting, toys, LEGO, superheroes, toddlers, birthdays, funny, dads, moms, motherhood, fatherhood, dad bloggers, humor

Do they make them so small to ensure that we’ll lose them and will therefore buy more? MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! Or do they make them so small to dare kids to swallow them? MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

Half the pieces were lost the minute the package was opened, and the ones that weren’t lost are only not lost because they are in my son’s stool, and the rest were tossed into a big plastic jar full of countless other tiny bits and pieces that likely have no relation to each other and some of which might even be toenail clippings but who can tell without a freaking microscope.

Can you tell it’s driving me crazy? I honestly have no idea WHY ARE THEY SO SMALL!

I’m starting to think it’s because they hate parents.


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11 thoughts on “No LEGO to Stand On

  1. I was absolutely over the moon when my son got his first Lego set, but I wonder if my excitement had a lot to do with how much I enjoyed Lego as a child. Did you play with it when you were a kid? I’m a big fan of Lego but I wouldn’t recommend it for any child younger than maybe four at a push, for younger ones there’s duplo, much bigger blocks, basically no risk of swallowing 😛 but the one unavoidable down-side of Lego is the excruciating pain to be found when you step on a block.

    1. Having just read on (‘thou shalt not skim’) I get what you’re saying. Newer Lego sets seem very tied to particular brands/characters and as a result there’s a huge amount of very strange and specific tiny little pieces. I’ve had first-hand experience of these and I’m with you, unnecessarily small and awkwardly shaped (especially batarangs). I’m set for a lot of building with my eldest this Christmas and I’m pretty happy about that but I’m definitely not looking forward to the tiny, weirdly shaped, non-traditional blocks.

  2. I remember my kid getting her first Playmobil set. A girl with a horse. Small helmet. Small bucket. Teeeeny little piece of green stuff that looked like a 1″ long caltrop. As she opened it, I thought “do I toss the green thing right now, or wait until it gets sucked up by the vacuum or wait until I find it with the tender bottom of my foot and *then* toss it?”

  3. *pushes nerd glasses up nose* Excuse me, Sir, but the plural of LEGO is LEGO. (or so my husband says out loud every. damn. time.) My sin is 18 months, so we have blocks and Duplo- the LEGO are all in boxes in the basement. My husband hasn’t decided yet if he is going to share. I can only hope that by then we live in a bigger house with a whole room to be dedicated to LEGO storage. :-/

  4. I love the Legos, did as a kid and still do as an adult. Gets better when you realize you spent $69 million on sets and that you are missing pieces.

  5. I love the Legos, did as a kid and still do as an adult. Gets better when you realize you spent $69 million on sets and that you are missing pieces.

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