I don’t know how to put this, but I’m kind of a big deal.

Not only are my tweets regularly featured in the Huffington Post’s weekly list of “Best Parenting Tweets” – follow me at @DadandBuried – but they occasionally publish my blog posts, in which I put forth my genius-level understanding of the intricacies of expert parenting.

This affiliation with such a popular, influential website gets my writing a lot more exposure, which is great, in theory. The HuffPo audience is not necessarily familiar with my blog.

And, judging by the comments they’re leaving on my posts, they hate me.

The people finding me on the HuffPo Facebook page, or on HuffPo itself, don’t have any of the context that comes with having already read my countless hilarious harangues about my hateful child. As such, they misunderstand many of my posts, especially the slightly more serious ones (like this).

I rarely get serious here, and even when I do, I count on the rest of my stuff to keep me honest. The fact most of my site, usually even the posts that have run directly before and after one the more “serious” ones, is so obviously a joke should take the air out of any preaching I may occasionally feel entitled to do. This site is not intended to be an advice site or a guidebook; it’s intended to be funny. And maybe a respite from all the experts out there.

How can you take my parenting advice seriously when you’ve read my “Anti-Parent Parenting” page, in which I stress that you shouldn’t take anyone’s parenting advice seriously? Why would you listen to someone who constantly tells you not to listen to anyone?

Humor without context is a difficult thing. Humor without a sense of humor is even more dangerous. Many people within the HuffPo community seem to be lacking both. And as a result, they hate me almost as much as I hate my son. You guys, my loyal Cadaders, already know I’m an idiot and a clown. New people don’t, especially new people who are reading me outside of my blog itself.

So, for their benefit, I thought I’d save them from themselves, and break down the reasons no one should be listening to me.

Reasons No One Should Take My Blog Seriously

• I don’t know what I’m talking about
• No one knows what they’re talking about
• (least of all me)
• You know everything
• You’re a mom
• I’m only a dad
• You’re a SUPERmom!
• I’m just a caveman
• I only have one kid
• I hate my one kid
• My kid is only three years old
• I drink too much
• I swear too much
• You don’t drink enough
• My advice is terrible
• I’m not Dr. Phil
• I’m not Dr. Spock
• I AM Mr. Spock
• You don’t have a sense of humor
• I’m not the father of your child
• I AM the father of many strange women’s children
• I hate parents
• You hate me
• Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball
• You don’t actually have kids
• I don’t actually have kids

I hope that list helps.

I don’t care if you don’t like my jokes, or don’t get my jokes. But I am a little disappointed that some of my posts are giving the impression that I think I have the right to advise anyone as to how best to raise their children. I don’t believe anyone has that right. (Except, of course, for me – send in your questions!)

This isn’t just about me. This parenting stuff is to specific and too personal. We really shouldn’t be listening to anyone, unless it’s to our alternate selves from an alternate dimension dealing with an alternate version of our kids. Maybe THEN we’ll have some idea of what each other is going through. But I doubt it, because no one is an authority on your kids except you.

Seriously. I don’t even listen to my wife!