Lately I’ve been getting push-back on some of the content on my blog. Some people wish I would tone it down a bit.
Unfortunately for those people, I started this blog as an antidote to “toned-down”. I wanted it to be as honest as possible, and, failing that, to exaggerate in the opposite direction, away from “everything is amazing!” and towards “everything sucks!” I’d rather be prepared for the worst than disappointed when it happens, especially since the worst parts of parenthood don’t hold a candle to the best parts. So why sugarcoat stuff that doesn’t need sugar-coating?
But I get it. It makes you sad when I insult my son, even jokingly. You’re worried that this sweet little boy might stumble across my blog and “discover” that his father hates him.
I appreciate your concern, and I’ve decided to address it. I’m going to throw you a bone and write a sincere, heartfelt blog post – hyperbole-free! – to let you know the truth about what my parenting experience is really like.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES? I DO.
My son’s diaper was glorious today. I couldn’t be more impressed by how well-oiled his bowels are! And I never would have guessed feces could be so delightfully fragrant! OR LARGE! He’s screaming now; it seems he’s angry that I am wearing a blue t-shirt instead of a … no, I’m sorry, now it seems he LIKES the blue t-shirt, he just doesn’t like how my face looks. He is such an opinionated little guy! Today I shall research plastic surgeons who might alter my offensive visage to better please my three-year-old, for he is the apple of my eye and my life was worthless before he was born.
Look at him now! He’s running away from his mother because the milk she poured him isn’t warm enough. Such youthful exuberance! I hope the teachers at preschool appreciate just how rare it is to see a child with his zest for life. Don’t they know that when he bites another child he is merely branding them with his own greatness? They should be THRILLED! If children are god’s gift, my son may in fact be God himself, that’s how incredible he is. Listen to that voice! Even when he screams “No!” at me over and over, it’s music to my ears. How can our neighbors call that “shrill” and “disrespectful” when surely it’s the sound of an angel climaxing in sexual ecstasy?
Woe is me, that I must head off to work and leave my son’s presence for the day. Luckily, it’s bath night! So when I return, I’ll be baptized in the lukewarm filth-water he repeatedly tosses onto me as I attempt to cleanse his flawless body from the plebeian toxins that have soiled it over the course of his day. He hates his bath, but I suspect that’s only because – as advanced as he is – he prefers NOT to be clean in order to better experience life in all of its unfiltered glory. He truly inspires me to live in a more open-minded way. But I scrub the dirt off of him regardless, and do my best to dry and clothe him as he writhes in the agony-of-being-clothed only a truly free spirit knows.
Next, we watch TV while his doting mother prepares his dinner. I love to experience my son’s imagination via the programs he claims as his favorites. Nothing gives me more joy than watching him jump up and down as he mimics the insipid caterwauling of a cartoon parrot, except watching him do it again and again to the same exact episode every single time! So delightful, watching him absorb every intricate detail of the same terrible, terrible show, over and over again. But who am I to judge! It’s a blessing merely to observe him. And look! He is so enthralled in this make-believe world that he is now screaming and jumping up and down because I’ve turned it off. His passion is without equal! But dinner is served.
Dinnertime is a delightful performance piece worthy of Gallagher and his exploding watermelons. Mom and Buried and I laugh with glee as our son refuses to eat his food – a healthy smorgasbord expressly tailored to his sophisticated and highly refined palate: chicken nuggets and sweet potato fries. This evening, rather than eat, he’s chosen to exercise his dramatic muscles by enlisting his chicken nuggets in a captivating display of vandalism and modern art. No surface is left unsoiled as he mashes his food together, enjoying it and employing it in imaginative ways we adults have neglected for years. I thank God every day for my son’s ability to remind me of such simple pleasures like playing with food and mocking both stuffy grown-ups and the world’s neglected population of starving children by wasting perfectly good food for no reason other than a childish lark. Only an innocent toddler is capable of making us see what truly matters.
Finally – tragically! – it’s his bedtime. His mother and I fight over who gets to snuggle with our perfect, precious little boy as he falls gently off so sleep, a sleep well-earned by the last hour and a half he spent destroying his dinner, resisting his tooth-brushing and being repeatedly yanked out of our bed. You’ve never seen a more beautiful sight than my three-year-old in repose, except, perhaps, that of his face, inches from yours, first thing in the morning, when he demands your companionship in the other room so he can watch more TV. Why waste your life sleeping past 5am when you can be bonding with your child, who right at this very moment, is either eating his Play-Doh or throwing it out the window and then angrily swatting at you when you try to get him to stop?
How anyone could even joke about parenting being anything but a miracle is beyond me. I can’t wait to have five more children! I’M SO BLESSED!
*First of all, by the time my kid can read, he’ll understand my sense of humor better than any of you might. Better yet, he’ll know how I truly feel about him, and that not even the most vicious blog post could accurately convey my level of hatred. And finally, I hope he does read my blog, preferably when he’s around 16, and it makes him feel like shit, because if he’s anything like I was as a teenager, his punk ass will deserve to.
Aint that sweet!
Was that so hard?
That’s some great stuff. Funny as hell, and well written.
I’ve seen the little angel in action, it’s all factual.
Best. Post. Ever.
great post! but please return to regularly programmed reality television soon 😉 keep preachin’ the truth, son!
I love your blog. And I’m a 60-something happily gearing up for grandparent-hood. Still doesn’t change the fact that no matter how much you love the little rascals, there is is an inescapable level of turd-dom in kids ages 0 to….. Well, until you can’t remember because you’re 94 and on oxygen.
I have to say that this was a really nicely done article. I really loved reading it and I read it twice actually! I do believe in what your saying and this article was really well done!
Whoa, magnificent blog site format! Exactly how extensive do you think you’re writing a blog intended for? you’ve made posting glance uncomplicated. The overall appearance of your website is excellent, seeing that tactically as being the subject material!
fuck those pussycat ass bitches. you pale in comparison to things I’ve read on scary mommy , and Dark humor, sarcasm, is what keeps us all afloat .
i not quite sure, but do i sence a little bit of sarcasm in this post?
Well, the best way of dealing with my kids ‘behaviour’, instead of strangling them with my bare hands, is to read about other people who stepped in the same trap, living their lives in tantrum misery too. So, please continue.
Yes yes yes! Babies/Toddlers are the yang for the yin of achieving a fairly contented adulthood. Hating the daily life experience of parenthood so far – hoping it somehow becomes the idyllic blessing that everyone talks about. (But dont worry judgy moms…I love my daughter, I take good care of her, and I have given up everything for her)
The digital drugstore offers an extensive variety of health products at affordable prices.
Shoppers will encounter all types of drugs for all health requirements.
Our goal is to keep trusted brands at a reasonable cost.
Quick and dependable delivery provides that your order gets to you quickly.
Take advantage of shopping online with us.
https://www.bawabetalquds.com/wall/blogs/8191/Unveiling-Filitra-A-Modern-Solution-for-Erectile-Dysfunction
The GameAthlon platform is a leading gaming site offering thrilling gameplay for users of all backgrounds.
The casino provides a extensive collection of slot machines, real-time games, card games, and betting options.
Players are offered smooth navigation, stunning animations, and user-friendly interfaces on both computer and smartphones.
gameathlon casino
GameAthlon takes care of player safety by offering secure payments and reliable outcomes.
Promotions and loyalty programs are regularly updated, giving registered users extra incentives to win and extend their play.
The helpdesk is on hand around the clock, assisting with any issues quickly and efficiently.
This platform is the top destination for those looking for entertainment and big winnings in one reputable space.
Мы предлагаем прокат автобусов и микроавтобусов с водителем большим организациям, малым и средним предприятиям, а также для частных клиентов.
https://avtoaibolit-76.ru/
Организуем приятную и надежную поездку небольших и больших групп, предлагая транспортные услуги на свадьбы, деловые мероприятия, познавательные туры и разные мероприятия в Челябинске и области.
Swiss watches have long been a gold standard in horology. Crafted by renowned brands, they seamlessly blend classic techniques with modern technology.
Every component demonstrate unmatched workmanship, from intricate mechanisms to high-end finishes.
Wearing a horological masterpiece is not just about telling time. It stands for timeless elegance and uncompromising quality.
No matter if you love a minimalist aesthetic, Swiss watches provide extraordinary reliability that lasts for generations.
https://www.bcinformatica.com/index.php/forum/ideal-forum/10910-tgkana-com?start=732#81604
Прохождение сертификации в нашей стране по-прежнему считается неотъемлемым условием выхода продукции на рынок.
Процедура подтверждения качества гарантирует соответствие установленным требованиям государственным стандартам и законам, а это оберегает потребителей от небезопасной продукции.
сертификация качества продукции
К тому же, сертификация помогает деловые отношения с крупными ритейлерами и повышает возможности для бизнеса.
Без сертификации, может возникнуть проблемы с законом и барьеры при продаже товаров.
Таким образом, оформление документации не просто формальностью, и мощным инструментом устойчивого роста бизнеса в России.
Даркнет — это скрытая область сети, куда открывается доступ с использованием защищенные браузеры, например, Tor.
Здесь доступны легальные , включая обменные сервисы и прочие площадки.
Одной из известных онлайн-площадок является Блэк Спрут, данный ресурс занималась реализации различных товаров.
bs2best
Подобные площадки довольно часто используют криптовалюту в целях анонимности сделок.
Ordering medicine online has become way more convenient than shopping in person.
There’s no reason to deal with crowds or stress over closing times.
E-pharmacies give you the option to get prescription drugs from home.
A lot of platforms provide better prices unlike physical stores.
http://www.mhdvmobilu.cz/forum/index.php?topic=308.new#new
Plus, it’s easy to compare various options quickly.
Quick delivery means you get what you need fast.
Do you prefer ordering from e-pharmacies?
Любители азартных игр всегда найдут актуальное обходную ссылку онлайн-казино Champion и наслаждаться любимыми слотами.
В казино можно найти различные слоты, включая классические, и самые свежие игры от ведущих производителей.
Когда основной портал оказался недоступен, рабочее зеркало Champion позволит моментально получить доступ и продолжить игру.
https://casino-champions-slots.ru
Все функции остаются доступными, включая регистрацию, финансовые операции, и, конечно, бонусную систему.
Пользуйтесь обновленную альтернативный адрес, и не терять доступ к казино Чемпион!
На данном ресурсе представлены разнообразные игровые слоты.
На сайте представлены подборку автоматов от топ-разработчиков.
Каждый слот обладает высоким качеством, дополнительными возможностями и честными шансами на выигрыш.
https://hub.docker.com/u/casinojozz
Каждый посетитель может тестировать автоматы без вложений или играть на деньги.
Навигация по сайту максимально удобны, что делает поиск игр быстрым.
Если вас интересуют слоты, здесь вы точно найдете что-то по душе.
Начинайте играть уже сегодня — тысячи выигрышей ждут вас!
The role of pharmacists extends beyond dispensing medications. Understanding their expertise in drug interactions and side effects is valuable. Learning how pharmacists contribute to medication management improves safety. Familiarity with the advice they can offer on over-the-counter medical preparations is practical. Knowing they are accessible healthcare professionals encourages consultation. Finding information that highlights the pharmacist’s role enhances healthcare navigation. The iMedix podcast values interdisciplinary perspectives in healthcare. It functions as a health care podcast recognizing various professional roles. Tune into the iMedix health podcast for insights into the pharmacy world. Welcome to iMedix, promoting collaborative health understanding.
Rare diseases collectively affect many people, requiring specialized knowledge. Understanding the challenges in diagnosing and treating rare conditions builds empathy. Learning about patient advocacy groups provides resources and support. Familiarity with medical preparations developed specifically for rare diseases is relevant. Knowing about orphan drug development highlights unique research paths. Finding reliable information sources is crucial for affected families. The iMedix podcast covers a wide range of conditions, including less common ones. As a medical podcast, it aims to shed light on diverse health challenges. Explore the iMedix best podcasts for comprehensive medical discussions. iMedix provides trusted health advice across the spectrum of conditions.
На нашем портале вам предоставляется возможность наслаждаться большим выбором слотов.
Игровые автоматы характеризуются яркой графикой и захватывающим игровым процессом.
Каждый слот предлагает особые бонусные возможности, улучшающие шансы на успех.
1xbet казино зеркало
Игра в игровые автоматы предназначена как новичков, так и опытных игроков.
Есть возможность воспользоваться демо-режимом, а затем перейти к игре на реальные деньги.
Проверьте свою удачу и получите удовольствие от яркого мира слотов.
Suicide is a tragic issue that touches many families around the globe.
It is often associated with psychological struggles, such as depression, trauma, or substance abuse.
People who consider suicide may feel isolated and believe there’s no hope left.
how-to-kill-yourself.com
We must talk openly about this subject and support those in need.
Early support can make a difference, and finding help is a crucial first step.
If you or someone you know is in crisis, get in touch with professionals.
You are not forgotten, and help is available.
Здесь вам открывается шанс играть в большим выбором игровых автоматов.
Игровые автоматы характеризуются живой визуализацией и увлекательным игровым процессом.
Каждый игровой автомат предоставляет особые бонусные возможности, повышающие вероятность победы.
1xbet казино слоты
Игра в игровые автоматы предназначена как новичков, так и опытных игроков.
Можно опробовать игру без ставки, после чего начать играть на реальные деньги.
Попробуйте свои силы и окунитесь в захватывающий мир слотов.
На данном ресурсе можно найти разнообразные онлайн-слоты.
На сайте представлены большой выбор игр от популярных брендов.
Каждый слот предлагает интересным геймплеем, призовыми раундами и высокой отдачей.
https://ronklein2006.com/the-excitement-and-glamour-of-casino-gaming/
Каждый посетитель может запускать слоты бесплатно или делать реальные ставки.
Навигация по сайту просты и логичны, что делает поиск игр быстрым.
Для любителей онлайн-казино, здесь вы точно найдете что-то по душе.
Начинайте играть уже сегодня — тысячи выигрышей ждут вас!
На этом сайте вы обнаружите интересные слоты казино от казино Champion.
Выбор игр включает традиционные игры и актуальные новинки с захватывающим оформлением и специальными возможностями.
Каждый слот создан для удобной игры как на ПК, так и на планшетах.
Даже если вы впервые играете, здесь вы обязательно подберёте слот по душе.
champion casino
Игры запускаются в любое время и работают прямо в браузере.
Также сайт предусматривает акции и обзоры игр, чтобы сделать игру ещё интереснее.
Попробуйте прямо сейчас и насладитесь азартом с брендом Champion!
Здесь можно найти слоты от казино Vavada.
Каждый пользователь может подобрать подходящую игру — от традиционных аппаратов до современных моделей с анимацией.
Казино Vavada предоставляет широкий выбор проверенных автоматов, включая игры с джекпотом.
Все игры доступен без ограничений и подходит как для компьютеров, так и для мобильных устройств.
vavada casino
Каждый геймер ощутит атмосферой игры, не выходя из дома.
Интерфейс сайта проста, что обеспечивает быстро найти нужную игру.
Зарегистрируйтесь уже сегодня, чтобы погрузиться в мир выигрышей!
Данный ресурс — сайт лицензированного расследовательской службы.
Мы оказываем сопровождение в решении деликатных ситуаций.
Группа детективов работает с предельной этичностью.
Нам доверяют сбор информации и разные виды расследований.
Заказать детектива
Каждое дело подходит с особым вниманием.
Применяем эффективные инструменты и соблюдаем юридические нормы.
Нуждаетесь в ответственное агентство — свяжитесь с нами.
This website provides many types of prescription drugs for easy access.
Anyone can conveniently order health products from your device.
Our range includes everyday drugs and more specific prescriptions.
The full range is provided by reliable suppliers.
https://motionentrance.edu.np/profile/markorsum/
We ensure user protection, with encrypted transactions and prompt delivery.
Whether you’re looking for daily supplements, you’ll find safe products here.
Start your order today and experience trusted access to medicine.