I’m not really the thankful type.
That’s not to say I’m not thankful for things, I’m just not the kind of guy that runs around telling people what I’m thankful for and how blessed I am. The good thing about Thanksgiving is that it reins those people in by giving them an entire holiday during which they can babble about their happy lives all day long. Of course, in the online world (i.e., Facebook), it has become the 30 Days of Thankfulness, because why be annoying for one day when you can do it for a whole month?
But if you can’t beat ’em – like, literally BEAT THEM TO DEATH – join ’em. So rather than get arrested this November, I’m giving some thanks. Deal with it.
What am I thankful for this Thanksgiving? Here are a few things:
Random Junk I’m Thankful For
Darkness – because when it’s dark, it’s my son’s bedtime, and I like when he sleeps almost as much as I like when I sleep. So I’m thankful for darkness, and for the rotation of the earth, and also for “The Chappelle Show”, which is what I think of whenever someone uses the word “darkness”.
Silence – I’m not actually sure I remember what this is but I’m sure I’d be thankful for it if I ever experienced it again.
Fantasy Football – It’s far more stressful than a “game” should be, but it’s far less stressful than being a fan of the Miami Dysfunctions. To be honest, I probably wouldn’t include it on this list if I weren’t having a pretty good year, but I am, and it’s distracting me from the disaster in South Florida. So it gets a spot.
People Who DON’T Get My Blog – I’m even more thankful for the humorless among you who send me angry messages and leave oblivious comments because nothing makes me happier than stupid people saying stupid things. Don’t change, Huffington Post commenters. DON’T YOU EVER CHANGE!
Mom and Buried – No details here. She knows I’m thankful for her and she knows why.
Detective Munch – He knows I’m thankful for him, too. He has no idea why because he’s a stupid toddler, but he knows.
Beer – This hardly needs an explanation, especially since I’m spending a week and a half with my family, so instead I’ll list the names of breweries I’m especially thankful for: Lagunitas; Sierra Nevada; Bear Republic; Sixpoint – from my old hood; a new fave, Boulevard in Kansas City; the inventive and unique Mystery Brewing – run by an old friend in my new hood; and countless others. It’s a great time to be a beer fan!
My Parents – Mom and Buried and I actually got to go to the movies this week! And we got a few days of waking up on our own, rather than with the unwanted assistance of a mewling, hungry child! So even though a week with them always turns him into a monster at home, I have to thank my Mom and Dad.
My New Lenovo Tablet – we flew to my parents for Thanksgiving, and we decided to bring Detective Munch along. I’d like to say we first questioned that decision when we were making our way through the security line and our 3yo ran up to one of the TSA people and asked, “How do I get OUTTA here?”, but the truth is we questioned it well before that. That’s why the new Yoga tablet I received as a member of the Lenovo INfluencers network ranks so high on this list. Without that thing I would’ve killed myself been killed by the other passengers on my flight. We pre-loaded it with games and movies that didn’t need the internet, and thanks to the new rules, he was even able to use it during take-off and landing. The kickstand helped too, because it enabled us to prop the thing on the seat tray so he could watch it without having to hold it. Otherwise the kid puts his grimy, fidgety hands all over the thing, which means the screen gets disgusting AND he’s constantly closing his apps and opening my apps and accidentally deleting important things. It’s pretty absurd that this company keeps gifting me with stuff, especially since I just give most of it to my 3yo who doesn’t know Lenovo from a yo-yo, but I’m not about to complain. And neither are you, if we ever share a plane.
Kanye West – I happen to love his music, so I’m thankful for that, but I’m arguably even more thankful for the things he says. I mean SWEET JESUS the dude is a comedy goldmine. I mean: “…these are inspiration, visionary breaks in pop culture. Every time I talk it is a crack in the matrix.” Just this week he said that his fiance, Kim Kardashian, is “the most beautiful woman of all time … arguably of human existence.” Hey, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all, but “of human existence”? Just amazing stuff. KEEP DOING WHAT YOU’RE DOING, ‘YE.
The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade – Generally? EFF PARADES! But a few years ago my wife actually made me go to this one in person, and she made some overtures this year, so I’m glad I’m only forced to watch it on TV.
All sorts of other stuff – This list is long enough already. Being this nice is giving my hives.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Here’s hoping your kids like turkey enough that they get loaded with tryptophan and pass out ASAP. Actually…
One last thing:
- Tryptophan – Ah, glorious sleep.