More power to our kids, but nothing makes a person hate snow more than being an adult. There are only so many times you can take your kids sledding and ice skating and snowman-building, especially when you have things to do!
No matter how outdoorsy you are, in the winter you’re sure to be spending more and more time indoors with a collection of five-hour-energy side-effects in tiny human form, slowly but surely exhausting every single entertainment option available in an effort to keep the kids occupied. And keep yourself from turning into Jack Nicholson in The Shining. It’s not easy.
And it’s only going to get worse for me, now that I have a newborn too.
I made a list of the worst parts of being sequestered in your home with a collection of children and no end in sight. I’m actually kind of hoping it snows more, if only so I can write “S.O.S.” on my roof. (Or maybe “SEND BOOZE!”)
Worst Things about Being Stuck Inside With Kids
- LEGO. AND PLAY-DOH. EVERYWHERE.
- “I am not a goddamn jungle gym, get off me so I can finish this email!”
- By the time you get the kid dressed to go sledding, it’s Independence Day.
- You’ve begun having nightmares about mac ‘n cheese. And fantasies about alcohol.
- The bald-faced lie that is “the pitter-patter of little feet.” Because the sound they’re making is not “pitter-patter.” DOES PITTER-PATTER CAUSE MIGRAINES?
- The pillow fort you’re hiding in has no Wi-Fi. And no bar.
- “Sure, you can watch another episode of ‘Octonauts’. But that’s the last one! Fifty-three consecutive episodes is where I draw the line!”
- An adult body can only withstand so many dance parties.
- It may be illegal for children to wear the same pajamas this many days in a row.
- Your twin girls keep blocking your way down the hall. AND YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TWIN GIRLS.