Crying in Baseball

Sometimes it’s hard to believe how quickly your kid is growing up.

Detective Munch has his last day of preschool today (he can have the ceremony, he can get the diploma, but I’ll be dead in the cold cold ground before I refer to it as graduation!) In September he’ll start Kindergarten, and he can already hold actual conversations and ride a bike and dress himself and brush his own teeth (each with varying degrees of success, but with enough general success that I’m counting them all). He’s still far from being a young man, or even truly independent in any way, but he’s definitely getting there.

At least I thought he was, until I watched him play tee-ball. Because guess what? Turns out there may be no crying in baseball, but there’s plenty in tee-ball.

Nothing puts a halt to your fears that your child is growing up too fast like watching him play an organized sport.

I know, he’s only four, and besides, not everyone is good at sports. I myself was no star athlete (lettered in marching band WHAT!) and have no illusions about Detective Munch playing in the World Series or catching the clinching touchdown in the Super Bowl or getting to don the green jacket. But he’s going to play some sports, and he’s going to be as good as he can be, regardless of his physical, red sox, curse of the bambino, tee-ball, t-ball, red sox idiots, sports, kids, children, family, dads, fatherhood, dad and buried, funny, humor, dad blogs, moms, mom blogs, mommy bloggers, family, athletics

Not because I want him to buy me a house someday, but because playing sports is fun, and you can learn a lot of valuable lessons, and because I need him to start expending some of his limitless energy somewhere besides our house. I’m tired!

But holy shit, watching him play tee-ball is a straight-up farce.

Again, he’s not even five years old; his ability to do anything without falling down is still pretty limited. And it’s not like the rest of the team is tearing it up out there either.

During the ninety-or-so minutes they’ve been gathering for their “games” for the last eight or so Saturday mornings, the kids on “The Crickets” (they got the lamest name in the league; “The Scorpions” got the coolest!) turns the idea of sports into a comedy routine. Every single one of them is alternately distracted by something (their parents on the sidelines, a plane overhead, the fact that their hats can turn sideways); crying about something (their parents being on the sidelines and not next to them, not having a snack, the fact that their hats can turn sideways); or simply sitting down in the middle of the base paths (and turning their hats sideways).

The best part is that over the course of the “season,” they’ve actually made progress! None of them can throw to first, or intentionally catch the ball in their glove, or understand the infield fly rule (that one’s tough for a lot of us), but they all seem to grasp what’s happening: that if they put on the glove, run in a straight line for a little while, and occasionally hit the ball, they’ll get to play at the neighboring playground when we’re done.

And yet, despite the almost complete absence of actual baseball, I can’t deny that it’s pretty funny, and even fun. For me. 

I enjoyed taking Detective Munch glove shopping, and playing catch together, and giving him high-fives and butt-pats. Plus, while I’m not a coach (I’m not much of a joiner), pretty much every parent – mostly dads, but some moms too – stands out in the field and lends a hand, if only to stop the ball from careening well past any reasonable outfield and making an already interminable two-inning game last even longer. So I’ve been able to teach him some fundamentals, like where first base is, and why you need a helmet, and that you can’t leave the field in the middle of an inning just to grab a handful of Goldfish. Ya know, basic stuff. baseball, red sox, curse of the bambino, tee-ball, t-ball, red sox idiots, sports, kids, children, family, dads, fatherhood, dad and buried, funny, humor, dad blogs, moms, mom blogs, mommy bloggers, family, athletics

At this point, all we’re really doing is introducing the kids to the concept of baseball, and sports, and team play. It’s baby steps. No one expects the 2004 Red Sox out there, despite how idiotic they act.

The hope is that we’ll lay a foundation, and next year they’ll learn a little bit more, and eventually we’ll introduce the actual “winning and losing” aspect of sports. But honestly, my son looks so cute in his little uniform, I’m in no hurry to start getting on him for only going two for three. Let him have fun while it’s still just fun. Besides, now that he’s entering kindergarten in September, he’ll be getting evaluated more than enough.

That said, when this season is over, I’m getting more drunk than Kevin Millar. And I’m gonna stay drunk all throughout soccer in the fall!

Print page

8 thoughts on “Crying in Baseball

  1. Yeah, tee ball is the worst, but then you get to that first year that the kids pitch to each other and then that’s the worst. My 4 year old is that kid who sits in the dirt and actively avoids being near the ball, but that’s okay. At least he’s out there. We limit our games to 1 hour, so 90 minutes has to blow. Lol.

  2. My daughter is now 25 years old and expecting her first child (a boy). However, I vividly remember her t-ball days. When she was 4 or 5, she has “playing” in the outfield as the batter tried valiantly to hit the ball – this process took so long that by the time the ball was hit and the kids started running after it, my daughter forgot she was playing the outfield and started running for a base – she ended up on 2nd base – across the field in the middle of an entirely DIFFERENT t-ball game!! One of the coaches on that ball diamond looked at the color of her t-shirt and directed her back to where she belonged. I was laughing so hard that I was crying. My husband was just shaking his head in shame. 🙂 Turns out that dance was the sport she excelled in and she did that until she graduated high school.

  3. Put first daughter into t-ball and highland dancing – turned out she was an artist. Put first son into t-ball and soccer – he played ball for 16 fun years. Next son couldn’t wait to play high school football – his last season his team scored I touchdown – all season. Baby of the family is the daughter who chose basketball. In our climate (Alberta, Canada) us parents loved an indoor sport to spectate at. Sports are wonderful – so is art.

  4. My son “played” t-ball for a season. One of the diamonds was located near the local airport. Every time a plane flew overhead, every kid stopped to watch. Longest game of my life. I grew a beard in 35th inning.

  5. Pingback: Inspirational Movies - Dad and Buried

  6. Pingback: The Sporting Blues - Dad and Buried

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.